first_in_time | Zagreus Sits Inside Your Head (for Splendid

Barbara looked out at the view as Ian put the last of their things in the car. From the front door of the little Bed and Breakfast, she could see beautiful rolling hills for miles. The last of the morning was being chased away as the sun rose higher in the sky, thawing everything out. Even the cows seemed more active on one particular hill.

"I wish we could stay for a little longer," she sighed to Ian, turning her back on it all so that it might be easier to leave. Her arms folded, one hand still held on to the key they were yet to return. "I don't suppose your car has a secret time traveling device so we can spend an extra few weeks here?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

splendid_roman

"Probably a good idea not to eat anything here." But he smiled and hugged her, glad to see her at her proper size again. "I didn't like you so much as a giant."

From:

first_in_time

"But that was how the story went. Alice ate the cake and drank from the bottle to fit through the door," she reasoned, staying close to Ian. "I suppose that we could crawl through on our bellies. Have you got the key?"

From:

splendid_roman

"But we're not going through the story in order. The cheshire cat didn't come first." Although he held up the key he said, "I don't know if we'll fit." Barbara might, he thought, letting go of her a little to look at it, but he wasn't sure about himself. And he didn't like the idea of drinking the contents of the bottle either.

From:

first_in_time

"Then let's try and find another door," Barbara suggested and peered into the shadows of the library. Where they stood, the lights were bright enough to see clearly but the rest of the library was unlit and remained in darkness. "Do you have a match or a torch?"

From:

splendid_roman

"In the car." Which was just typical. "Let's go slowly and let our eyes adjust." Which would work as long as they didn't have to go too far.

Keeping hold of Barbara's hand, he started off back the way they'd come, since it seemed a bit more likely to have a door than any other direction. There was at least a little light to see by, but it didn't help in the shadows. However, a door ought to be big enough to see, even in the half-dark. Although Ian peered into all the corners, just in case.

He stopped suddenly as they passed a bookcase. "Barbara, this bookcase is bigger on one side than the other." He was sure he wasn't imagining it.

From:

first_in_time

"Now where have I heard something like that before?" she mumbled. "See if there's a trick switch behind one of the books or something like that."

From:

splendid_roman

He let go of Barbara's hand so he could pull on the books. It was on the second shelf of them that he found the switch and the shelf moved along to reveal a narrow door and a dark passage. There was, though, a sliver of light at the other end. "Shall we?" he said, looking back at Barbara.

From:

first_in_time

It was difficult to see what Ian had been doing in the dark, but the slither of light at least illuminated his shape.

"I don't see why not," she replied and lifted her hands to feel where either side of the passage was.

From:

splendid_roman

There wasn't enough space to go side by side, but Ian kept close behind Barbara. It was chilly in the passage, but at least the bookcase door didn't slam shut behind them, leaving them no light at all, except at their destination.

Of course as soon as Ian thought that, it shut. He sighed, but then the door at the other end opened, letting a breeze in and giving them a view of some grass.

From:

first_in_time

When the door slammed shut, Barbara froze. She felt Ian walk into her and relaxed slightly. At least they were still together; he hadn't been locked away on the other side of the door.

Barbara reached behind to take his hand. "I hope this corridor doesn't go on forever."

From:

splendid_roman

"It doesn't look like it does." As long as the light and grass weren't illusions.

As soon as he thought it, Ian realised that they were getting further away at the same rate they were heading towards it.

"Maybe we have to go the other way," Ian wondered, thinking of Through the Looking Glass when Alice had to go in the opposite direction to wherever she wanted to get.

From:

first_in_time

"Back into the darkness?" Barbara glanced over she shoulder but all she could see was Ian. She supposed that was a comforting thought at least.

"Alright," she replied and carefully turned around. One hand grabbed hold of Ian's cardigan, the other rested gently on his shoulder. "Lead on."

From:

splendid_roman

They hadn't gone very far down the passage, but it seemed like they could walk further than that back the way they'd come. Perhaps the bookcase was an entrance to the middle of it.

But then they came, almost suddenly to the end of it and found themselves at the end of someone's very large back garden. The big house was in the distance and between Ian and Barbara and the house was what looked like a tea party.

Ian glanced back at Barbara. "I suppose we could see if these people know anything." Given the cat and the caterpillar, he suspected not. But the passage seemed to have vanished behind them, so they had no choice but to go on in any case.

From:

first_in_time

The garden and house were beautiful, but if they were going to be following the story of Alice, she doubted that much else would be as pleasant.

As they approached the gate, there was an awf roar of frustration and the smashing of crockery. Barbara jumped and clutched Ian's arm. The look in her eyes told Ian to be careful.

"Ship! This is intolerable! We are meant to be -- where are we meant to be? I don't even know but it isn't here!"

From:

splendid_roman

Ian put a hand over Barbara's on his arm. He would be careful, but this man was talking about a ship - perhaps he meant the TARDIS.

As they slowly walked closer Ian could see that this was the Mad Hatter's tea party. The man who'd spoken was the Mad Hatter, judging by the pile of hats on his head. Also at the table was a hare - presumably the March Hare. It had a feminine voice as it said, "We are where we are."

Ian was wondering if the Dormouse was in the teapot as the Hatter looked up and saw them.

"You! What are you two doing here again?"

From:

first_in_time

Again? Barbara had no memory of the pretty garden and it's pretty house with the mad hatter. And there was no way it could be recalling the times she'd read the books (for it was so very long ago that even she was struggling).

"What do you mean 'again'?" she asked, peeking around Ian. "We haven't been here before."

"...you haven't?" the Hatter asked and turned toward the hare who sat scarily still.

"Barbara Wright and Ian Chesterton," it said coolly, "first humans to board the TARDIS."

"You have! Why do you lie? I hate liars, you know. You never can trust what they're saying and now I know, I know that I can't trust you. Go away. I only want to be around people I can trust."

The Hatter ran the flat of his hands against the jolly table cloth, smoothing out the bright pattern gently. It was rather the antithesis of his tone of voice.

From:

splendid_roman

"We're not lying," Ian said, ignoring the Hatter's tone. "We've never seen this house, this garden or this tea party before."

He wondered how the hare knew who they were, but presumably it was the same way the cat knew he'd read Alice in Wonderland.

"But we'll go if you want us to," he continued. "If you can just tell us the way out of here."

"There is no way out," the hare said, while the Hatter glared at them.

"Is there any tea?" a voice said from the teapot. Presumably it was the Dormouse, but it sounded like Susan and Ian looked over at Barbara, wondering if she'd heard it too, or if he was imagining things. The Hatter and the hare hadn't reacted to it.

From:

first_in_time

Barbara could feel Ian's eyes on her, and she tore her eyes away from the scene to look up at him.

"Did that sound like Susan?" she asked him quietly, wondering just where she'd be, given that she certainly wasn't seated at the table and Barbara couldn't see her under it, either. Nor was she in the house because the voice sounded far too close for that.

"No, there's no tea," the Mad Hatter replied (for Barbara had decided that he was indeed mad), and turned a teapot upside down. Scolding hot tea washed over part of the table, giving a section of the bright table cloth a brown tinge. "And stop ruining the table cloth!"

"It wouldn't be ruined if you stopped pouring tea on it," the Hare said, slowly turning to face Hatter.

"Tea?" asked the voice of Susan.

As the Mad Hatter lept up on the table to start looking into each of the cups, the Hare asked: "will you join us for tea?"

"No, they're liars, they're not allowed," Hatter cut-in, pausing momentarily in his search for the source of the voice.

From:

splendid_roman

"It did," Ian replied to Barbara, just as quietly.

He looked back at the table when the Hatter spoke again and spilled the tea.

"No, thank you," he said to the Hare's offer. Given what the last thing Barbara had eaten and drunk had done to her, he wasn't going to risk eating or drinking anything else here. Wherever here was. "Can you tell us the way out?"

"No," the Hare replied calmly. "Hatter, you're upsetting the tea things."

"Of course I am." He upset them even more by grabbing the tablecloth, so everything fell over, quite a few of the cups breaking and some falling on the ground.

The Hare sighed. "I hadn't finished my tea."

"No tea?" Susan's voice asked.

From:

first_in_time

"No. Tea!" the Mad Hatter screamed. Barbara flinched and held Ian's arm a little tighter. There was a distortion to his voice, like a radio not quite tuned properly. "There's no tea -- no time! Can't you see that? Can't you --? Ship! Ship, you have to hear me, where are we and why aren't we where I need to be?"

The Mad Hatter knelt on the table, his face an inch from the Hare's who sat as still as a statue. Then blinked once. The Hatter roared and turned on the honeymooners.

"Why are you here and what business do you have?"

Barbara hid behind Ian a little and the Hatter followed her until they were almost playing chasings around Ian.

"We were holidaying!" she told him quickly in a panicked tone and ran for the other side of the table.

From:

splendid_roman

"We were in a forest," Ian explained. He tried to go towards Barbara but the Hatter stood in his way after he'd taken a step. He stayed where he was and smiled at the Hatter, hoping he'd let them go. "Then we found ourselves in a library and now here. We just want to get back to where he came from"

"Liar," the Hatter said again. He didn't seem to believe anything they said.

"The forest is that way." The Hare pointed back the way they'd come.

When Ian turned to look he saw there was a forest there now. But when he turned back to Barbara he found the Hatter had got even closer and his face was only an inch from Ian's.

"That's really disconcerting," Ian said, taking a step back, but the Hatter followed.

From:

first_in_time

"Is it?" The Hatter asked and followed, keeping close to Ian, "because I'm not really that sure."

"Are you sure there's no tea?" asked Susan's voice again from just where Barbara was. She looked down at the mess of tea cups and pots, and saw a small, brown mouse sitting in an empty teapot. Barbara assumed that it was the Dormouse form the old tale, but it didn't look a thing like Susan. She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at that fact.

"We'd best be going," Barbara told the Hare, the Dormous and the Hatter as politely and apologetically as she could whilst keeping a safe distance. "We have some appointments to keep. Will you please excuse us?"

"No." The Hatter folded his arms. "Why should I excuse you? I, Zagreus! I who sees you in your bed and eats you while you're reading. Or...no. No, that isn't right..."

From:

splendid_roman

"I've never heard of Zagreus." His memories of Alice in Wonderland were a little hazy, but he'd have remembered that name, he was sure. And the rhyme was worthy of the book, if not quite the sort of subject he'd expect. He tried to edge round the Hatter, who turned in a circle, but didn't come any closer for the moment.

"You've never heard of Zagreus?" The Hatter sounded stunned at the idea. "Everyone's heard of Zagreus. I see you in your bed and... and..." He made a frustrated noise and turned to look at the Hare. "What do I do?"

Ian took the opportunity to run over to Barbara and grab her hand to pull her towards the house. They were going the wrong way to get back to the forest, if the Hare was right, but at least they were getting away from the Hatter.

As they went he heard the Hare tell the Hatter, "Eats you while you're sleeping."

From:

first_in_time

Barbara was of no mind to protest being hauled away. She didn't want to be in the company of a man who talked about eating people, whether they were reading or sleeping or whatever else.

Together they ran for the house but like so many other things they'd encountered since leaving the car, they did not end up where they'd expected to. Instead they tumbled onto a cobbled road from a foot in the air. Barbara hadn't expected such a drop and stumbled down onto her side where she lay for a moment.

"I should never have left the car," she told Ian and put a hand to her forehead, "I'm so sorry."

From:

splendid_roman

Ian wasn't expecting the drop either and he landed on his front, putting his hands out to break his fall and wincing as he scraped the skin on his palms on the cobbles. The knees of his trousers hadn't fared much better.

He turned round to look at Barbara, happy to stay sitting for a bit not touching anything. He shook his head. "It's not your fault. Forests don't usually lead to all this."

They couldn't stay here, he realised. There were troops coming down the road and when he looked round he saw two rows of playing cards coming towards them. They were the same playing cards as in the book, although he didn't remember them having such big collars.