first_in_time | Zagreus Sits Inside Your Head (for Splendid

Barbara looked out at the view as Ian put the last of their things in the car. From the front door of the little Bed and Breakfast, she could see beautiful rolling hills for miles. The last of the morning was being chased away as the sun rose higher in the sky, thawing everything out. Even the cows seemed more active on one particular hill.

"I wish we could stay for a little longer," she sighed to Ian, turning her back on it all so that it might be easier to leave. Her arms folded, one hand still held on to the key they were yet to return. "I don't suppose your car has a secret time traveling device so we can spend an extra few weeks here?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

first_in_time

After a moment Barbara chuckled, too and then rested in the crook of his arm. "You realise that this experience will possibly ruin any chance of reading Alice in Wonderland to our children?"

From:

splendid_roman

He smiled. "Maybe we'll be able to tell them Wonderland is real and we went there."

From:

first_in_time

"Just like time travel and aliens are real?" she gave him a small smirk, "if our children don't think we're mad, I certainly will."

From:

splendid_roman

He grinned at her. "They are real. Our children will think we're amazing for having time travelled and met real live aliens."

From:

first_in_time

Barbara sighed and kissed him briefly. "Amazing or not, we'd best keep going if we're to make it home any time soon. Otherwise we'll never have children."

From:

splendid_roman

"I don't think they've appreciate growing up in Wonderland." He stood up and waited for Barbara so he could put his arm back around her as they continued down the road.

From:

first_in_time

"Depends who else we meet. I can see a child enjoying playing with s white rabbit," she replied as they strolled, "or playing cards that walked around, although I'd like to think we could keep our children away from the queen of hearts...particularly since he enjoys chopping heads so much. I did always think that the queen was a woman, though."

From:

splendid_roman

"So did I. I'm sure she was in the book." He would have noticed if the Queen had been a man. As would Alice.

There were voices up ahead. Not wanting to come across anyone else wanting to fight or cut off their heads, Ian slowed and used a nearby tree to peer round. There were playing cards painting roses. Which was a good thing on one hand, since they weren't likely to be violent, but bad because it meant the Queen was probably nearby.

He let go of Barbara to step out from around the tree. "Excuse me. Could you tell me if the Queen of Hearts is nearby?" he asked the playing cards.

From:

first_in_time

Barbara stayed behind the tree. If anything happened she wouldn't be of much use, but at least she could surprise them which might throw them long enough for her to do something.

The cards jumped at Ian's appearance and seemed to shuffle themselves a little as they attempted to hide behind one another. It took them a moment to realise that it wasn't the Queen who was speaking with them after all. They breathed a collective sigh of relief.

"I hope the Queen isn't nearby," a three of spades replied after asking Ian to repeat the question, "we wouldn't have heads if she was."

From:

splendid_roman

Ian smiled, relieved. "He did sound very fond of cutting off people's heads." He looked back to the tree and gestured for Barbara to join them, since it looked safe. "I don't suppose you can tell us the way out of here."

"No, I don't suppose we can," the seven of clubs said.

"Unless you know anything about roses." A nine of diamonds came to the front of the pack, carrying a paintbrush and a tin of red paint.

From:

first_in_time

"What do you wish to know?" Barbara asked, approaching.

"How can you make them red?"

"...you plant red roses?"

"We thought we had-!"

"-but we hadn't-!"

"-and how we'll lose our heads!"

The cards all groaned and spattered more red paint all over the place.

From:

splendid_roman

"Does it really matter?" Ian asked.

The cards looked askance at him. "It matters to the Queen."

"Ah." Ian was thoughtful for a moment, wondering if they could use the cards' predicament to their advantage. Having noted his thoughtful expression the cards crowded round, until Ian frowned at them and they backed off a little.

"Do you have to work for the Queen?" he said in the end. "Couldn't you be gardeners for someone else?

From:

first_in_time

The cards all looked at one another, then back at Ian. Their expressions were rather blank for personified playing cards.

"Someone else?" a five of diamonds asked. "Like who?"

"There's a lovely garden next to a house back that way," Barbara replied, pointing the way they had come. Upon reflection she realised that the house could actually be in any direction, seeming as places kept changing on them.

"We can't work for someone else!" said a club, holding a bucket of red paint that sloshed over the sides a little as he waddled over to Ian and Barbara. "We're the queens deck! She won't like us going off to work with someone else. That would be treason!"

"She?" asked Barbara cautiously.

"She."

"She has a beard."

"And a lovely beard it is, too."

From:

splendid_roman

"Do queens often have beards?" Ian wondered.

"The Queen has a beard, so all queens must have beards," one of the cards answered and the rest murmured agreement.

They had either only ever known one queen or this one had such a pull that they imagined she was the norm, Ian couldn't tell which.

"Can you tell us which direction is away from the Queen's Palace?" he asked, since that was a more important question.

"We can," the three of spades said, nodding.

When he didn't immediately tell them, Ian changed his question to, "Will you tell us which direction is away from the Queen's Palace?"

That was a more difficult question to answer, it seemed. "Will we?" The three of spades turned to the other cards so they could debate it.

From:

first_in_time

Barbara turned to Ian while the cards discussed whether or not they would give Ian and Barbara directions. "I don't like this, Ian. We're going to have to do something dastardly to get out of here. I can feel it."

From:

splendid_roman

"Alice didn't have to." Not that it was necessarily a guarantee, but he didn't want to do something dastardly if they didn't have to.

The cards shuffled themselves so they were all facing Ian and Barbara.

"We won't," the three of spades said.

"But we will tell you which way to the Palace," the five of diamonds said. "It's that way."

"No, that way." The nine of clubs pointed in the opposite direction to the five of diamonds.

From:

first_in_time

"Alice's Queen was also a cleanly shaven woman," she retorted before the cards reorganised themselves once more. Barbara rolled her eyes at their reply and folded her arms. "Which one of you should we believe?"

"Me!" said one.

"No, me!" said another.

"Him! He's always been truthful to me! He once owed me money and he completely paid me back but without interest..."

Barbara turned to Ian with a sigh. It was his decision what they did.

From:

splendid_roman

They clearly couldn't believe anything the cards said, so they might as well pick a direction at random. Ian looked along the road and then back the way they'd come. Neither of them gave any indication as to their direction.

"There's a gap in that hedge," he said quietly to Barbara, looking over to their right. "Why don't we go across the field instead?"

From:

first_in_time

"Yes, alright," she replied and led the way toward the hedge, stepping though it just before Ian, then waited on the other side.

"I see why Alice got so frustrated with this place," she continued once they were walking side by side again, her arm looped in his. "It all seems rather wonderful until you're lost or need to have a proper conversation."

From:

splendid_roman

"I'm not sure Alice had many proper conversations in Wonderland. It was more of a delightful, odd journey." Which he really wasn't appreciating just at the moment.

"Let's head up the hill." The field seemed to be sloping upwards slightly, so it wasn't a hard climb. Although Ian didn't remember it looking like that when they started up it. "Maybe we'll get a good view at the top."

From:

first_in_time

"If we make it to the top," Barbara replied, remembering how they had to head away from the light before they finally made it out of that corridor. "Let's try and distract ourselves until we get up there - why don't we talk about...um...the very best times we had with the Doctor. Such as how we used to wander around the corridors for hours at a time and never find the same room twice."

From:

splendid_roman

"That was only good when we could find our way back. We walked for miles after finding that cinema." Admittedly they'd spent some time in the cinema as well, especially once they'd found it had some films from the future. But at the time it hadn't quite felt worth the journey.

From:

first_in_time

"At least we walked off all of that popcorn," she replied with a smile and nudged him gently with her hip. "I thought about kissing you in that cinema. At least twice."

From:

splendid_roman

"You did?" He looked over at her, surprised, and forgetting that the popcorn had at least been proper food, not just food bars from the machine. "I thought about putting my hand on your leg a few times," he admitted.

From:

first_in_time

She nodded, secretly pleased that she caught him off guard. "Life threatening dangers and adventures through time and space or not, you were still attractive and I still have hormones. At least you now know that you're welcome to touch my legs at any appropriate momènt you wish to."