first_in_time | Zagreus Sits Inside Your Head (for Splendid

Barbara looked out at the view as Ian put the last of their things in the car. From the front door of the little Bed and Breakfast, she could see beautiful rolling hills for miles. The last of the morning was being chased away as the sun rose higher in the sky, thawing everything out. Even the cows seemed more active on one particular hill.

"I wish we could stay for a little longer," she sighed to Ian, turning her back on it all so that it might be easier to leave. Her arms folded, one hand still held on to the key they were yet to return. "I don't suppose your car has a secret time traveling device so we can spend an extra few weeks here?"

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From:

first_in_time

"Is it?" The Hatter asked and followed, keeping close to Ian, "because I'm not really that sure."

"Are you sure there's no tea?" asked Susan's voice again from just where Barbara was. She looked down at the mess of tea cups and pots, and saw a small, brown mouse sitting in an empty teapot. Barbara assumed that it was the Dormouse form the old tale, but it didn't look a thing like Susan. She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at that fact.

"We'd best be going," Barbara told the Hare, the Dormous and the Hatter as politely and apologetically as she could whilst keeping a safe distance. "We have some appointments to keep. Will you please excuse us?"

"No." The Hatter folded his arms. "Why should I excuse you? I, Zagreus! I who sees you in your bed and eats you while you're reading. Or...no. No, that isn't right..."

From:

splendid_roman

"I've never heard of Zagreus." His memories of Alice in Wonderland were a little hazy, but he'd have remembered that name, he was sure. And the rhyme was worthy of the book, if not quite the sort of subject he'd expect. He tried to edge round the Hatter, who turned in a circle, but didn't come any closer for the moment.

"You've never heard of Zagreus?" The Hatter sounded stunned at the idea. "Everyone's heard of Zagreus. I see you in your bed and... and..." He made a frustrated noise and turned to look at the Hare. "What do I do?"

Ian took the opportunity to run over to Barbara and grab her hand to pull her towards the house. They were going the wrong way to get back to the forest, if the Hare was right, but at least they were getting away from the Hatter.

As they went he heard the Hare tell the Hatter, "Eats you while you're sleeping."

From:

first_in_time

Barbara was of no mind to protest being hauled away. She didn't want to be in the company of a man who talked about eating people, whether they were reading or sleeping or whatever else.

Together they ran for the house but like so many other things they'd encountered since leaving the car, they did not end up where they'd expected to. Instead they tumbled onto a cobbled road from a foot in the air. Barbara hadn't expected such a drop and stumbled down onto her side where she lay for a moment.

"I should never have left the car," she told Ian and put a hand to her forehead, "I'm so sorry."

From:

splendid_roman

Ian wasn't expecting the drop either and he landed on his front, putting his hands out to break his fall and wincing as he scraped the skin on his palms on the cobbles. The knees of his trousers hadn't fared much better.

He turned round to look at Barbara, happy to stay sitting for a bit not touching anything. He shook his head. "It's not your fault. Forests don't usually lead to all this."

They couldn't stay here, he realised. There were troops coming down the road and when he looked round he saw two rows of playing cards coming towards them. They were the same playing cards as in the book, although he didn't remember them having such big collars.

From:

first_in_time

Barbara groaned as she got up. "Let's make ourselves scarce. I don't much feel like talking to anyone else in this mad house just yet."

She pulled Ian behind a bush by the side of the road and sat as she listened to the procession of soldiers approach. She huddled into Ian's side, spying the state of his trousers. Thankfully there were more pressing matters for the moment.

From:

splendid_roman

The soldiers didn't appear to see them, as they were preoccupied with marching. They soon discovered why, when behind them, in a carriage was a man in a red dress with hearts on it and a crown who was whipping the soldiers at the back and shouting "Off with their heads," if any of them slowed down too much.

"The Queen of Hearts is a man?" Ian whispered to Barbara.

"Who said that?" He obviously had the hearing of a bat too and Ian stayed quiet after that, hoping they'd just carry on by.

From:

first_in_time

Barbara glanced up at Ian, a panicked expression on her face. She stayed as still as she possibly could. The last thing they needed was to be picked up by a man in a dress who seemed so very fond of taking people's heads.

Footsteps drew closer to the bush they hid behind. Barbara closed her eyes, waiting for a blow to come that would knock her out or remove her head from its place. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest. Her hands began to shake. She was certain there'd be perspiration on her forehead...but nothing came. There was merely silence, save for the odd crunch of gravel as the soldiers shifted in line.

"Nothing here ma'am," the soldier at their bush called back.

"Are you telling me I'm hearing things?" the man in the dress cried.

"Uh, well, no...I-"

"OFF WITH HIS HEAD!"

A struggle broke out. Barbara listened as soldiers grunted and wrestled only a few feet away, but someone must have given in or been thwarted, for it ended moments later and the footsteps retreated. However, it wasn't until the procession had completely passed and turned the corner that Barbara breathed a sigh of relief and leaned forward to rest against Ian's chest. They were safe again for now.

From:

splendid_roman

Ian put an arm round her. "Perhaps we should try going the other way." He still whispered, in case the Queen of Hearts could still hear them. If the reverse logic around here still held sway going in the opposite direction might mean they'd end up wherever the soldiers were going. But following them didn't seem like a good idea either.

From:

first_in_time

"Good thinking," Barbara replied and started to untangle herself from Ian and stand from the ground, "how are your hands?"

From:

splendid_roman

"Could do with a wash, but I'll live." When he stood up he offered Barbara his arm, since his hands hurt too much to use them just yet.

As they walked along the road they didn't across any soldiers, which was a good sign. although there was a flash of white at the side of the road. "I just saw a rabbit!" Ian dragged Barbara over to look for it but it had vanished into a bush and perhaps underground and there was no sign of it now.

From:

first_in_time

"I suppose it was wearing a waist coat and spectacles, carrying a watch and complaining about the time?" Barbara asked as she was pulled along.

From:

splendid_roman

"I didn't see." He lingered there a little longer, looking around, in case the rabbit reappeared. "I'm not sure we want to follow it down a rabbit hole. That's what got Alice into Wonderland in the first place."

From:

first_in_time

"Who got where?" came a familiar voice from behind them, and Barbara turned to find a knight upon a white horse. "What's that got to do with a rabbit?"

Barbara gaped a little. It had been a while since she had seen a knight, and Ian's armour wasn't quite as shiny as that. She watched as the knight swung himself down from the horse and bowed to Ian, then took up Barbara's hand to kiss it.

"...Steven?" she asked, trying to get a look at the knight's face.

"Who?"

From:

splendid_roman

"You look like a friend of ours," Ian said. And he sounded like one too.

The knight swung open the face plate of his helmet, although he did it in so violent a fashion that it came away from the helmet complete. But now they could see that it really was Steven.

"Invention of mine." The knight didn't seem to care that he was being stared at, and he calmly picked up the piece off his helmet and turned back to them with a smile. "Means that you don't have the thing falling down just at the wrong moment."

He didn't sound like Steven, Ian decided. The voice was the same, but his manner of speech wasn't.

From:

first_in_time

"That sounds rather handy," Barbara replied as she spied the spikey guards on the horse's ankles. It pawed the Earth half-heartedly.

The man who wasn't Steven smiled and walked back to his horse, tripping along the way. "Say, are you lost or something like that? You'd best be careful around these parts. One of the other knights might have at you. Then what? You're hardly dressed for such an affair and you have no horses. It will make life more difficult for you."

From:

splendid_roman

"You think it's likely that the knights will attack us?" Ian looked a little worried about that. Knights didn't usually go around attacking unarmed civilians, but then there was nothing usual about this place.

"Oh, bound to," the knight said. "Bound to. They've got to attack someone, haven't they."

Ian wanted to disagree with that, but couldn't quite. For one thing he was distracted by the knight getting on his horse and the unusual manner he sat on it. The horse seemed to be good natured about it at least.

From:

first_in_time

They could always not attack someone, Barbara thought, but said nothing about it.

"Could you then perhaps show us the way out?" she asked instead. "We merely want to go home."

"Oh, I'm afraid not," the knight replied, "no way put of these things. Got to fight for it!"

Barbara sighed under her breath. "Please? We...we're not very good at fighting and we just want to -"

She was cut off by the knight falling suddenly from his horse as he waved his hand. Barbara was about to rush forward and see if he was alright, but another sailed into their spot, clearing the now abandoned horse in a giant leap.

The new horse was coloured red and the rider in the saddle cried out as he swung a sword around his head.

From:

splendid_roman

"Aha, now here's a knight to fight." The White Knight happily got back onto his horse as the Red Knight turned to face him.

"What are you fighting for?" Ian asked him, hoping to avoid a battle.

"For the glory of battle," the Red Knight replied, swung his sword, missing the White Knight and falling off his horse himself.

Ian had thought that would be the end of it, but the White Knight merely waited for his opponent to get back on his horse before they began again.

"Perhaps we should leave them to it," Ian whispered to Barbara. He hoped they would be too distracted fighting to see them leave.

From:

first_in_time

"It might be best," she replied just as quietly and followed Ian back toward the road at a quick pace. Barbara avoided holding his hand, lest she hurt him, and resigned to merely keeping by his side instead.

"I suppose this means we're really in the story of Alice in Wonderland now. Although what it has to do with the Doctor and the TARDIS, I can't work out."

From:

splendid_roman

"I don't know." He wished he could work out what was going on - he hated not knowing. "Maybe it's just a group of people staging some sort of re-enactment of the book and we're stumbling around in it while they stay in character." He wasn't too sure about that and he sounded it.

Now they were far enough away that the sounds from the fight were fading, he slowed down. "I can't remember how Alice got out of Wonderland either. Did she just suddenly wake up?"

From:

first_in_time

"They must be terribly good actors if they can look like playing cards and jump over horses. Or throw their voices around teacups." Barbara folded her arms as she walked and looked around them, weary of anything else which might jump out at them suddenly.

"I think so - or was she being chased by something?" again, Barbara sighed, "it's has been so very long since I last read it that the smaller details escape me. I can't even seem to remember a lot of the characters, either."

From:

splendid_roman

"Me neither. I'd have re-read it recently if I'd known I needed the knowledge."

There was a fallen tree nearby big enough for them both to sit on, so Ian stopped there and sat on it. "I think a chess piece turns into a kitten at the end of Through the Looking Glass, but since we don't have a cat, I don't think that's any help either.

From:

first_in_time

Barbara remained standing and tried her best not to pace. "All we wanted to do was celebrate our marriage...I feel like we'll never live a normal life at this rate."

She made herself sit and cross her legs so that she didn't bounce her toes. "Maybe we'll have to work our way through different pieces of the story before we can go back to the car."

From:

splendid_roman

Ian put an arm round her. "We will live a normal life," he said, trying to cheer her up, although he wasn't really in any position to promise that.

"What parts of the story have we missed?" He thought back. "There's the white rabbit, croquet, the trial."